her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
