dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
