The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
