so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
