apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
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They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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