yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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