You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
