she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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