Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
