when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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