god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
