I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
