when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
