We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
