i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
