At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
