i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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