The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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