So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
