I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize