He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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