You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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