just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
