Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
