That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
