i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This is my gift to your gina
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
