Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
