Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
