he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
