I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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