i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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