I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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