people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
