Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
