I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
