he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
