totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
