i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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