there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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