You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize