My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
