don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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