Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
