I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
