I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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