you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
