Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
