the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
