yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
