idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
