So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have feelings that need drinking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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