Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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