so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
