I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
