there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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