You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
