Barsexuality is the new black.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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