Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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