So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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