I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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