She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
