perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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