Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
