Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
nutella sex= disaster
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
