dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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