She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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