He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
