My first STD was from a foam party
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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