So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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