dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
