btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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