her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
