When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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